4 Color Screen Printing

It has been nearly 13 yrs since I've had a 4 color screen printing machine.  I used to love the expression of designing and selling a t shirt.  Of course, back then things were a little different.  I was on a college campus, surrounded by younger, more daring folks and was intoxicated nearly all of the time.  Now things have changed a bit...the crowd isn't nearly as young or daring.  But neither here nor there, I've somehow managed to stumble upon a 4 color screen printing press here in the jungle.

It took some time to get her all geared up and ready to go but it looks as if I've finally reached the stage of learning how to print t-shirts again!  I'm an old user of Photoshop but now it's taking me some time researching to finally get a grasp on the whole process.  I've decided to "simplify" my life and begin with CYMK printing.  That's the basic 4 color separation that fools the human eye into seeing more colors.  This includes breaking the picture into separate colored layers, printing them at a high d.p.i, adjusting the degree of tilt for each color, dot formation and printing.  Wheew!  It's far more complicated than I remember but I'm working through it.

To make the Cyan Yellow Magenta and Black printing  you need to create Cyan by mixing Green and Blue together and Magenta by mixing Red and Blue together. Black is black and yellow is yellow.

I'll be posting more on my 4 color findings as things progress.  It's ok...we're in the "slow" season here in the Jungle, so I should have plenty of time to figure all of this stuff out.  The only problem, of course, is getting re-supplied.  Ordered some things last week and it needs to be transported by ground, boat and then ground again.  Always an adventure!

Stephen Hunter

Living in the Tropics has done wonders for the types of books that I read.  Where I live you can't even buy a loaf of bread on Sundays let alone hop on down to  your local bookstore giant, sip on a latte and peruse the shelves for the afternoon.  Those of us who live here feed off of the umbilical chord.  We suck at the teet of information as it comes...one little drop at a time.  Recently, we've been given the gift of "broad band" internet and it is quickly changing how things happen here.  I am no longer begging at the local watering holes for new titles to read...I no longer need to sit and stare blank faced to an overweight woman from Minnesota who is so burned from the sun that she's willing to trade me 3 romance novels for my aloe vera plant.  I've had William Shatner thrown down my throat a few times and I can say that I was pleasantly surprised...But now it's the Kindle from Amazon.  Everyone is traveling around with this little, digital "book" that is able to put you in the book aisle from anywhere in the world.  I have played with them...heard their criticisms and praise and I do believe that it's time to pick one up.  I love my book shelf.  It's moldy and a few are homes for the ant colonies (at least someone likes Grisham) but it's still 4 yrs of my book hording on display for all the world to see.

Currently, I've managed to steal a slew of books by Stephen Hunter and they're great.  Great action, great writing.  He's really blowing me away...his books more nudge you to the side as opposed to the politeness of other novels in his genre.  He has no problem telling the story the way the story needs to be told.  He's number one on my "Borrower's" list and everyone is loving his work.

So, if  you're not stuck on a beautiful beach or a humid jungle, go to your local bookstore and grab a few paperbacks of Stephen Hunter.  If  you feel the need to send a few to Central America, know that someone will treasure them.  Meanwhile, I'll just sit down here and ponder the Kindle.

The weak customer chooses the understandable rack

The weak customer chooses the understandable rack...yep... that pretty much sums up my Sunday. Drove a dear friend to the ferry this morning...He's heading to the EEUU and it scares the hell out of all of us. With him gone it's forced all of us to see ourselves in that ugly mirror. Who is left and for how long can they stay? We're all living on Temptation Island and it looks like we're being voted off one at a time. Chazzito...R.I.P.

Perfect Pillow Positioning

I have this damn pillow. Actually...I have a lot of damn pillows and I can never seem to get comfortable. I always find myself folding one over, doubling up, only using a corner or turning it sideways in an attempt to get comfortable. The odd thing is, I do believe that there is a magical formula to the Perfect Pillow Position. With all of the pillows that I've acquired over the years there needs to be some sort of orientation that pleases. I've looked online for a Pillow Architect but have come up short. But I am driven to find the Perfect Pillow Placement (please acknowledge the use of alliteration). Perhaps that is why I am always picking up new pillows of different shapes and fillings from the store? I can be reckless in a pillow store at times because I have no allergies (that I know) to fear and I have no real color coordination in my house to follow (not that I would). But no matter how many positions and pillows I manipulate, I can never find the perfect spot.

So, the other night I'm soundly asleep when my better half wakes me up to discuss the finer (or not so finer) points of our relationship. I suppose I'll never understand her need to wake me up and ensure, in conversation, that I have done something wrong. Is there really no better time to talk about this? Do women really work on a different clock than men? I can't honestly not think of anything that I need to talk about at 1:30 in the morning that doesn't require me to leave the bed. Emergency at the office?? I'm out of bed. House fire?? I'm out of bed. Wild on 'E': Naked is on television...well, I stay in bed for that one.

So, I'm awoken by my beloved woman who likes to use an obvious statement as her intrusive instrument to my peace, "I need to ask you something". The first reaction is to lay there and pretend that she didn't wake me up. I lay there with my eyes closed monitoring every appendage of my bod to make sure that I don't make any movement that might be misinterpreted as "Being Awake". Once every part of my body is accounted for I make sure that my breathing doesn't stray from my natural sleeping rhythm (only I don't know what that rhythm is because I'm always sleeping). Then I wait and see if she's buying into my performance or not. At this point I think it's a good idea to fake rapid eye movement...I know she's really into those detective novels and that C.S.I show and if I'm not careful, she'll begin checking my vitals. Once I am in full sleep emulation mode, I wait.

20 seconds or so passes and she hasn't even stirred. I can sense that she's propped up on an elbow and she's looking over me in the darkness. I imagine that her eyes are beginning to adjust to the darkness. One of us is going to crack. I can feel the tension building and I think I've screwed up on the rapid eye movement thing. Was I still dancing back and forth or did I stop?? Dammit! Then it comes...

"You're awake", she says, "I can tell".

That's it...it's over. The conversation has just begun and AGAIN, I walk away defeated.

The only thing more difficult than faking that you're asleep is faking that you're waking up. I do the cartoon groan and yawn combo...followed by the groggy, "Wha...wha"? business. But that's about all I have in my trickster reserves at 1:30 in the morning.

"I want to ask you a question", She repeats (but it's the first time I hear it because I was asleep before, remember?).

"Yeah, ok", I respond.

"Have you ever paid a woman to have sex with you"?

And that's when it happens. I readjust myself to address what is surely-to-be a loooong discussion and my pillow position is perfect! It is instant comfort never felt before and I gasp in ecstasy. In all the times of tossing and turning and messing with pillows and NOW is when I find the PPP? How can the world be so cruel? Now I'm unable to move at all because I know I'll lose the secret to the position. My mind is scrambling to visualize the exact orientation of my pillows so that I may duplicate the order later. Once I have the formula, I will forever use those pillows and burn the superfluous comfort of the others! WAIT! I'm ignoring her.

By now the follow up happens, "Well...Have you"?

Reality snaps me back like a rubber band and I find myself at the end of my sleep for the night. No more Mr. Sandman visits, no more counting Eva Angelina dressed as a sheep...it's all over. First instinct is to be afraid of the question but really one needs to ask "Why" is she asking me this? Who can possibly prepare for the thought process that brought this question to the forefront of my beautiful girlfriend's mind?

I revert back to my PPP for a few more moments, enjoying one of the simpler pleasures in my morning if not my whole life. Perfect Pillow Position. I revel in it because I know that my quest will begin anew tomorrow night. I can't keep ignoring her. Hesitation means guilt. This question needs to be addressed and once I do, I'll never be able to sustain the PPP. Why is it that life delivers such good with the bad? Why does it have to do that!?!? It's as if Jesus was carrying his cross up the hill and he noted that he was wearing the most comfortable pair of sandals he'd ever had in his life. Things were tough for Him but you know he had to be thinking, "This cross is really, really heavy...and these thorns are really, really beginning to sting...but man...I gotta say that the sandals are just awesome"!

Plastic Causes Erectile Dysfunction

So, within a few days of announcing that artificial penis tissue can be used successfully on rabbits, new reports are showing that plastics may cause erectile dysfunction. To me, this makes Easter really, really confusing. A big rabbit laying plastic eggs...Eggs being a sign of fertility...Rabbits being synonymous with a lot of sexual activity..?? What this has to do with Jesus, I've completely forgotten.

The scientists say that they tested 400 Chinese factory workers who were exposed to high levels of plastics and a large percentage of them suffered from erectile dysfunction. I don't know much about life in China but what little I do understand is that life working as a Chinese Factory worker isn't pretty. $.25 an hour...15 to 20 people in small rooms with bunks...14 hour days. I'm surprised that they don't all suffer from erectile dysfunction. I can't imagine that being the most healthy of environments. I can't imagine having to endure that and then get home to find out that your penis doesn't work. What a bummer. Personally, I think that perhaps I may have the dysfunction but my penis seems to be fine.

This whole plastic thing is a bit unnerving, though...I can't even tell you how much plastic I've been exposed to in my life. Let alone the plastic that has been exposed to my penis...I'm currently doing a search on Google to see if polyester is really plastic or just kind of plastic. Either way, I think I'm going to start investing in rabbits in the event that my plastic exposure has been too much. Maybe I should purchase stock in one of these companies putting penises on rabbits? I don't know much about putting stock in penises (no one has really ever put much stock into mine)...but I'd imagine that one of the benefits of buying penis stocks is that they'd always be on the rise. http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/11/10/AR2009111017411.html

Peter Rabbit or Rabbit Peter?

Oh the glory of Science! Researchers have found a way to create artificial penis tissue. I think that's fantastic! They've proven it by sticking it on rabbits....Did I miss a sign up sheet somewhere? Rabbits are famous for their abilities to reproduce and now they're getting the extra part to further aid their quest to over populate Australia. From what I've read, they have inserted this new tissue on rabbits with existing penile dysfunction and they were cured. Just like that! I'm really happy for all rabbits who previously suffered from penile dysfunction...They'll finally be given the help they've been searching for all of these years. But how do rabbits have penile dysfunction? Is it linked to stress? Genetics? How do we know which ones have it? And I thought my job was interesting. Imagine being stuck in a lab trying to sexually arouse rabbits!?!? "There is certainly a quantitative difference when Bugs Bunny enters the screen dressed as a woman...and that Jessica Rabbit...well, frankly, sexual arousal and increased heartbeat were noted in all male rabbits and even a few of the scientists" (The author is aware that Jessica Rabbit isn't a rabbit. But history has proven her innate ability to attract those of the rabbit species).

Anyhow...I'm very relieved that science has turned a page and has put some good money into a worthy cause. I think this could completely change the outlook on rabbits from now on. I foresee, "Watership Down 2: The Exotic Den". Peter Rabbit is going to have to be updated as well...He's not as interested in Mr. McGregor's garden as much as The Garden Club down on 10th street. Too, it should shed a little more intimate light on what was really keeping the Hare from beating that celibate Tortoise! It actually changes my entire outlook on that story.... I had no idea that the Hare was the hero! Take that, Aesop!

I suppose that I'm most thankful that the scientists had the decency to put the new and improved penis tissue in it's appropriate places. I remember seeing those tiny mice with human ears growing on their backs...That would be nothing compared to a bunch of rabbits with penises flopping around from their necklines. I'd hate to have the porn industry find a new fetish...I'd have to change all of my online subscriptions around. It would just be aggravating. (Just in case, I've purchased www.rabbitfixxxings.com)

The article states that the big scare the scientists had was that the tissue wasn't healthy, living or functioning but I think it passed the test because the article said it was "Promising". And if it's one thing I'm sure of; a penis will promise the world if it thinks it will get it what it wants. If it's promising now it'll soon be lying. That's proof of a perfectly functioning penis. Ask anybody. http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,573579,00.html

Bill Gates Stole My Virginity

That's right! Bill Gates stole my computer virginity. And now I'm ready for a Mac. I've been using Microsoft Windows my entire life and the idea of breaking away from her scares me to death. Windows took my computing cherry several years ago and I really haven't strayed since. Am I in love with her?? No...she's just the devil I know. So, now, I find myself playing with a Mac. Granted it's not my Mac but I'm really enjoying it. I need to re-learn how to use a mouse...two fingered clicks instead of the right click...I just don't know. But, I've decided on it and I'm pushing forward! I really look forward to a safe, secure marriage with the Apple Mac. I've already been told that my chances of contracting a virus is far more difficult than when I was in bed with Bill Gates...so, I suppose that's a start. So, thank you Bill Gates for teaching me ways of being a computer man. I appreciate all that you've done but I just don't think that you're the marrying type. I hope you understand....I still wanna be friends...but I'm moving on to something less complicated, less aggravating, faster, more powerful and...slimmer. But much like my other ex-es...My mother is sure to stay in contact with you and love you as much as when you and I were together.